All my local jag specialists are busy til mid April, so took it to Auto repairs MOT in Maryport who took the time to read the codes with an autel scanner and wouldn't take money for it despite my best efforts. Codes read after clearing.
P0635-11 Intermittent - Power steering
P0635-13 History -Power steering
B100B-67 History - Column lock ground authorization
B112B-87 History - Steering wheel module
B1B101-67 Temporary - Key transponder - We think this was from me walking off with the key in my pocket while it was being scanned
B1B101-87 Temporary - Key transponder
B1B33-64 History Target identification transfer, signal plausibility failure
U0121-00 History Lost comms with ABS
My focus is now on B1B33-64, which the autel scanner said can be caused by immobiliser problems etc but also... *drum roll* By pressing the engine start button for a few seconds after the drivers door is opened, and every time I open my car the infotainment says alarm triggered by: drivers door
Parked the car up at home because of course it worked totally fine at the garage. Stopped and started it a few times no problem... but as soon as I opened the drivers door it refused to start again even after I closed it. Could all this be caused by a dodgy drivers door sensor?
Oh and as for the battery I am missing one socket from my set, the exact one to unscrew the holddown to get the thing out.